Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
