Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
