she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
