This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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