the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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