Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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