I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
