i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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