"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
