I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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