he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
