Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
