i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
