Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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