I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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