she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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