Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
