Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
