my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
