I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
