oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
