Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
