Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
