did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
