There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
