Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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