If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
