Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
