I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
