I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize