just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
