The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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