in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
