Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
