using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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