Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
