Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize