Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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