whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
