The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
