i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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