It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
