My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
