i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
