She is in my trunk
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We have started to decorate penises.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
