So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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