i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
