I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
