I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
