Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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