I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Randomize
