I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
