Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
