Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
