You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
