I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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