Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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