I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
