i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
