apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
