ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
