I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she told me i tasted like america
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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