my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
