what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
