either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize