come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
