One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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