normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
