I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
