Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
