i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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